So. I haven’t written here in…years. This is because of 2 reasons. One is administrative. Google didn’t like the way I had links structured and they de-listed the blog until I fixed it. Going through a thousand posts and fixing links? Not really fun. It took a good deal of the wind out of the sails for me.
Second reason: objections from sons. There was (and is) a good deal of concern that I was violating privacy by writing about them. Individuals actually searched the blog for references about themselves and demanded editorial control.
They did not get it.
What I’ve written here over the years is the truth. One of my hopes is that someday they can go back and see what Mom was feeling and thinking in certain situations. Situations they may encounter with their own children. (And they’d BETTER have children. They owe me.)
Maybe then they’ll finally understand.
Anyhow. I’ve been soldiering along without the blog as an outlet. Even before I quit publishing, there were probably a couple of years when I was editing what I had to say so as to not offend children.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my children. I don’t want to offend them.
At the same time, I keep finding myself thinking, “This is harder than the past.”
Why is it harder? Why is it that as they are in or approaching adulthood, I struggle even more with this whole parenting thing?
I hit my frustration limit recently, and decided to come back here. I’m pretty sure they aren’t checking anymore, and I hereby pledge to do my best to generalize details so as not to clearly identify the guilty.
So here’s my first frustration: Boys who are not working to their potential. Grades this past yer were abysmal. ABYSMAL. I literally feel fear and nausea when confronted with the need to log in and check on progress. I have decided that I just don’t want to know how the college students are doing. Better not to know.
See, I was an overachiever. I got high grades. I graduated high school at 17 and college at 20. Not that I recommend finishing college in 3 years. I don’t. But I was all about achievement. I started working when I was 14.
Boys here? Low grades. Little to no employment. What they do like to do is sit in the office (the one Hubby and I built for ourselves!) and play on the computer. Granted, the older ones do seem to earn a bit of cash being admins on various enterprises. But it’s not exactly enough to buy snacks on.
So yay. We’ll be doing summer courses over the next few months to make up for high school failures. And I’ll be working lots of hours in anticipation of paying tuition bills, some of which are for failed or dropped classes.
And next fall? Changes. One boy isn’t going to go to college. We’re hoping a year off will help him develop the readiness he needs. High school boys will be held to some very firm standards.
And hopefully I don’t have to feel so anxious and sick when I look at people’s grades.