Earnest Parenting.com logo

Encouraging Heroes. You can be one too.

As a parent you need to think about your children before you decide to carry on with your divorce procedure. There is no doubt that your children will be traumatized by your divorce. They can feel confused, disoriented and devastated. You need to consider all the possible scenarios and make sure your children would feel loved.

No one can guarantee that things will go smoothly. That is why you need to be patient to navigate through your divorce procedure without damaging your children. Below you will find a list of tips that will help your children cope with your divorce:

What do you need to tell your children?

First of all, your children should feel that they can always ask for your help and support when they need to.  That is why you should try your best to stay on friendly terms with your ex. After all, your children should come first and you need to learn how to communicate without conflicts.

Many parents don’t know how to tell their children that their marriage is over. First of all, you need to deal with your own fears and anxieties. Make a list of things you want to tell to your children. Find a kid friendly tone to explain the following issues:

Truth first. Your children would ask you why you’re getting a divorce and you need to find a simple explanation. Long reasons will only confuse them. You can tell them that you can no longer get along. At the same time, your children should always remember that even though you are not together anymore you still love the children. You need to take into consideration the age of your children. Younger kids don’t need to know all the details of your divorce, while teenagers would appreciate getting a more detailed explanation.

Loving approach. They should know that it isn’t their fault. Saying ‘I love you’ would comfort your child. Let them know that the separation didn’t affect the way you love them. You will remain being their dad or mum no matter what.

They should know that some things will be different, and other things will remain the same. Agree on the future living arrangements, school pickups and free time activities.

Work as a team. Stick to the same explanation of your divorce. Making a plan of your conversations would help in avoiding any misunderstandings.

No more blaming

Avoid any criticism of your ex. Your children shouldn’t take sides in your conflict. It may be especially difficult as you both feel hurt. You need to remain calm and find the best diplomatic solution to talk to each other without involving your children.

Your divorce attorney can help you in creating a clear and concise plan for your separation. You still need to find the common ground to continue co-parenting your children, no matter how hard it may be. Avoid using your children as messengers or bargaining chips despite the fact that you’re still hurt and devastated by the divorce. Try making joint decisions thus preventing your children from playing you against your ex.

This is post contributed by freelance writer and blogger Claire Wilson who gives health, lifestyle and parenting advice on many blogs. Currently she is writing for Richard D. Palmer Law Offices who employ experienced divorce attorneys in Columbus, Ohio.