Angry Mom Has Fit, Boys Clean Up

Last year I asked the question: Am I a Failure at Homeschooling? At the time, things got so frustrating with the boys hating school and me being incapacitated with the knee injury that Hubby and I told the boys that there was nothing left to do but enroll in public school.

Cooler heads and some problem solving strategies prevailed, and the boys stayed at home. I wouldn’t say that life has been anywhere near perfect since then but we’re managing. Days have ranged from “frustrating” to “survivable” to “pretty okay”. I suddenly noticed recently that I was having the “are you going to be homeschooled or public schooled” conversation EVERY day. Not good. It finally occurred to me to explain that when we agree on a plan, we’re committing to the entire school year for said plan. This helped a bit, but frustration still was growing for all of us.

Last week the younger boys went to hang with grandma and grandpa while the older boys stayed home. I thought this would make life easier, but two days of chasing boys around the house and policing their every move proved to be even more frustrating than ever. I taught lessons Monday and sent them to have lunch and do their homework right before noon. Two hours and nineteen minutes later I checked up on The Mercenary only to discover he’d accomplished exactly none of his work in that time. On top of that, the house was a constant mess. Every time I cleaned anything, it was trashed again within the day. And? Any request I made to clean something was ignored. Even something as simple as putting clean clothes (that I had washed and folded FOR them) away took days.

By Wednesday I had had it. Nothing was changing, and the extra time that I thought I would have each day was not appearing. I got angry over yet another episode of time-wasting and lost my temper completely. Honestly, I don’t remember what set me off. I was that upset. I shot off a long tirade about how I felt attacked all the time when they made messes. I also told them that I get that they don’t like school or learning, but it makes absolutely no sense to reject everything just because I suggest it. I happen to be HIGHLY qualified to teach them, and I’m sick of them acting otherwise.

I’ve said all that before, and I was crying, and I suddenly was overcome with the need to get away. I told the boys that I was going to go to church to do some work and I left rather abruptly. While there, I got my work done and called a dear friend to ask for some wisdom. After crying on her shoulder for a while, I finished my errands and treated myself to a coffee at the coffeeshop. About five minutes before I got home, my phone rang. It was TechnoBoy, asking when I was going to be home. I told him, “5 minutes. And we can talk when I get there. I love you,” and hung up.

As soon as I walked in the door, it was obvious that they’d been working.

Heroes, they’d cleaned the WHOLE house. And by “clean” I mean vacuumed, dusted, picked up, and even scrubbed some table tops. Coats were hung up, shoes were stacked neatly. It was such a beautiful thing I almost cried all over again. A couple of hugs and thank you’s seemed more prudent, so I went with that.

Wednesday was the first day in their lives that the older boys understood that I was unhappy and how best to respond. It was the first day I ever remember them putting that kind of effort into pleasing me. It was so amazing! I’m not going to accuse them of being completely mature and grown up, but they certainly took a big step last week.

It’s enough encouragement to keep going for now, and that’s all that matters.

Image courtesy of anneh632 via Creative Commons license, some rights reserved.

Earnest Parenting: Help for frustrated parents.

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8 Responses to “Angry Mom Has Fit, Boys Clean Up”

  1. Jodene says:

    Living in the moment is one of the toughest lessons to learn and I commend you on your patience and bravery. Somehow, in the very few blogs I’ve read of yours, I get the feeling that no part of you gives up 😉

    • Amy LeForge says:

      Thanks Jodene. No, I’m not much of a giver upper. I’m still working on convincing the boys of that.. Although there have been many times in life when I knew that a certain thing was done and it was time to walk away. But that’s different than quitting I suppose.

  2. John Hunter says:

    Great story, thanks for sharing it. Not great to live through though 🙁

    Walking away definitely makes sense sometimes. It is surprising how challenging it is for families to get along without getting really frustrated. It does sound like your kids really did understand they had let things go a bit too far. It is great that they took action to try and make things better. Hopefully the future can include more of that before things get so tense.

    • Amy LeForge says:

      John, I learn something every day. Thank you so much for your comment! You’ve really got me thinking about why families get frustrated. Some of it is definitely an entitlement attitude, but not all. It’s really a fascinating topic and one I look forward to exploring. What do you think causes so much frustration?

  3. Adam Clarke says:

    I am really happy to hear that they turned it around and managed to give back when they realized you have given them so much. This story makes me feel more comfortable about wanting a future with many children of my own.

    • Amy LeForge says:

      Adam, thanks for stopping by! Having kids is definitely a huge commitment, and I’m sure I still don’t fully understand the extent of it. I figure to have a better idea by the year 2020. Even though they’re a lot of work, they can be a boatload of fun as well. Keep that in mind, won’t you?

  4. Parenting and doing the best we can says:

    Hi, It was with great interest that I read your post I believe this subject to be of huge importance and all parents should take this into consideration.

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